It's the final countdown! - Thursday 6 October 2011

Bucket man phoned from that other continent – “I’m in Ceuta, in Africa” he said.  “Are you sure you are in Africa” we enquired, having seen a comment on the blog, “of course I am” he replied. Ceuta is an 7.1 square mile autonomous city of Spain and an exclave located on the north coast of North Africa surrounded by Morocco. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceuta for more information.

He is staying in a Hotel Tryp and claims he was in one (that is, a Hotel Tryp) earlier on the trip – “you remember” he said, “no, we don’t” we replied and we are more intimately acquainted with every aspect of this bucket nonsense than most.

Distance travelled by bike, 57 miles, distance travelled by boat, approximately 20 miles, the little man doesn’t really care about the boat bit.  He tells us the trip out of the valley on the big hill (see yesterday’s blog and every other hill mention for background info) was OK; he managed to overcome the big one.  While doing this he fondly thought of Ellie who thought his trip cycling to Africa was a bit dangerous, “I am only going a bit further than going to Grandma’s house in Spain” he reassured her.  “Oh, that’s OK then, it is only a two and a half hour flight to get to Grandma’s house” she replied. 

The pedaller then started to go on, and on, about his future options regarding returning to the UK, golf with Mick, bike bags (?), but we won’t repeat them, can’t be bothered.

However, he seems to have a new initiative, a kind of reverse Trip Advisor set up.  It is all a bit of a mystery, but apparently, his hosts in the top hotel last night, namely Mitch and Max were so impressed by his efforts (or so he says) they wanted to check out this blog.  Martin wants everybody to go and stay at the hotel (thanks Bob, you found a gem) so is suggesting they start commenting on this blog about their guest, namely him.  Is this making sense to you lot?  The only thing we can say about the hotel is they don’t allow you to take your bike to bed with you – so bikeiality is a no no at this establishment.

So that’s it, it is all over, the bucket man/little man with the big psi has achieved his goal, he has pedalled all the way to another continent.  Look out for him telling never ending stories about his “journey”, coming to a bar near you soon.

Over and out, signing off for the last time - hurrah- your trusty blog team, now standing down.  

L'homme petit est arrivé en Africa - Thursday 6 October 2011

STOP PRESS - the little man is leaving Spain

At 14:19 the text came through from the pedaller announcing he had left Spain, with a photo of some water, closely followed by a picture of the Rock of Gibraltar.  Sadly, the magic lead operator is still at work so I can't put them here yet, come back later for all the gory details.

15:40 Text arrives to say he is in Africa, along with another snap, all to be loaded later...

Photos are now in:-

The little valley Bob had me climb out of this morning!

Nearly there!

Back on the motorways again! Outside lane was a bit hairy! But clearly couldn't stop to take pictures!

Leaving Spain!

The Rock!

I am in AFRICA!

Africa? See Bob Walkers comment further down.

Still not got to the end… News from the Frontera - Wednesday 5 October 2011

Little man phoned in his report in two parts this evening, interrupted by his dinner of pork and mashed potato arriving part way through the short summary of his day.  Today he has managed 110, very hilly, miles and is staying in an excellent hotel (run by Brits – hurrah) with a swimming pool found by Bob and his Spanish speaking cohorts.  He, and the hotel, are in Cortes de la Frontera  (the name is the same as that funny Vauxhall 4x4 that was around a while back) which he described as being in a valley with a long, steep hill back out.  So long and steep Martin is dreading the climb, but as he only has 40 miles to go, 40 tough miles as he wants us to emphasis, we are quietly confident he will reach the coast.

Well, it is brunch!

He is typically vague about his onward plans, whether to get a ferry to Tangiers or some other place he described as a Spanish enclave on the African continent.  Once at his African destination he doesn’t know whether he will just ride around the terminal car park, or spend a night locally before scampering back to Europe on the first available ferry.

Prompted by a comment Bob made - it's hilly around here!

He then whittered on about choosing the right route, something to do with roads in southern Spain not being what they should and ending up with nowhere to cycle, but by that time it was getting well past our bedtime so we didn’t pay enough attention. We do understand Mick will be in Malaga on Friday and that is having an impact on his tortuous decision making process but as this will be after the end of his cycling marathon, frankly, we don’t give a damn.

Hillier

Come back to tomorrow for confirmation of the end of this epic trip, we think we have all had enough of this pedalling story.

We're now on the last page of the map!

Hold the front page –the bike is fixed – finally! Tuesday 4 October 2011

Bucket man was remarkably upbeat tonight – “I should reach the coast tomorrow” he said.  “Good we said, is that it, can we leave it at that?”   Sadly not, he then burbled on for his usual ten minutes so take a deep breath and read on…

Africa is looming on the southern horizon, Insha'Allah!

He has reached the town of Lucena, and is staying in the Hotel Baltanas which Bob (or his brother, we are not quite sure) has fixed up for him, a real bargain at either £23 or €25, the little man wasn’t sure.  “Is it a yummy hotel” we enquired, “no, but it is adequate” our very own Hotel Inspector replied.   He has covered 125 miles, and says it was a good day as it was very hilly.  At lunchtime he sent us the photo of the town in which he enjoyed a break, where he had a very nice calamari lunch – at last he has upped his game from the McDonald days of early last week.

Martin also reports that it has been a very hot day, as he sat at one of his many pit stops enjoying an ice cream and coke; he looked at a sign saying it was 45° but suspects that may not have been entirely correct.

Montoro, the first of the Southern Spanish towns I hit in Andalucia!

You will not be surprised to hear there were yet more bike chain problems – we are so bored with this but as we are trying to report in a fair way have to include the latest… It involves another farm mechanic (what is it with the little man and yokel types?) so in the interest of independent reporting we will plough on (no pun intended) with it.  Bucket man wanted to buy the farm mechanic’s wrench off him so he would have his very own “nobber tool” (remember them, we do) to sort out his chain problems.  This was agreed so Martin pedalled off with the wrench, or wrench set safely stowed in his bike bag.  Imagine his surprise when he found a bike shop (or more properly in Spanish, una tienda de la bicicleta) that was actually open.  In the shop was a garrulous Danish man who translated for Martin – into Spanish, not Danish – and he ended up buying a new bike chain for 32 Euros.  Now he really had decisions to make, should he throw away the wrench set so thoughtfully provided by the farm hand, should he throw away the original chain (please do, we are heartedly fed up with it) although he says there are still miles left in it, what effect on his progress would the extra weight have – the permutations are both complex and exceedingly tedious.

Mulling over this problem he pedalled on and found two comatose Americans lying under a tree moaning softly, “water, water”. The lady, who had, as they say in America, a big fanny,  and her man had cycled from Cordoba (of bull fame) and managed a puny 30kms before reaching their shady tree.  They had another 20kms to go to reach their hotel for the night so our little man helped them on their way by giving them not only all his water but his last two energy bars – what a hero!

What with this hold up, and the lengthy stop in the bike shop, Martin did not reach his hotel until 8.45pm.  He is truly knackered, not only this pedalling stuff, but he was up until 1.00am the night before,  busily sewing up his Assos shorts with his newly acquired sewing kit.  Plus -  he was furiously washing his clothes so he is fully prepared for the run in.  New chain, clean pants, what more can a pedaller ask for?

He has a few personal messages to pass on, namely, Mick, telling him to pack it in and fly home is not especially supportive or encouraging...  Reece, how is you always phone when he is pedalling furiously and does not have hands free whatever, and Johnny M (you know who you are) why are you so fixated on the state of his bottom?

So, in conclusion,  on hopefully  the penultimate day, he is good order, the bike is in tip top order, the chain is fixed (allegedly) so it should be an easy run in tomorrow – come back then to check it out.

Meanwhile back in Cropwell Bishop we celebrate Jo winning The Great British Bake Off and are left reeling by Mary-Anne's "revolting syllabub." We know how to live!

Cooking on Gas - Monday 3 October 2011

The pedaller has done himself proud today, a stonking 135 miles covered as the racing snake charges towards the south of Spain.  He has arrived in Puerto Llano, when asking his way the local replied “Que, Barcelona” in the manner of Manuel of Fawlty Towers fame, who then pointed out that Llano was pronounced Jano – hence the misunderstanding.

Thankfully the reason for his successful day had nothing to do with tedious bike technical stuff, rather it was because he is cycling across flat land and there is no wind.  He sent through this attractive picture for our sister, Mandy, showing off his Precious Lives teeshirt.  (Editor’s note: photo taken from seriously dodgy angle)

One for our Mand, even the Precious Lives shirt has had an outing! (actually this is it's second so a bit smelly!)

There was some nonsense with his chain (again, surely not…) when a new nobber, this time a farm mechanic, (all a bit Mellors from Lady Chatterley’s Lover), got busy with his pliers to get the pin in… and then refused all payment for services rendered.  Instead he and Martin exchanged a thumbs up (yuk) and Martin pedalled off, only to be pulled up and berated by irate traffic cops who tried to explain that he should not be riding on the motorway and that he should “look hard for the right road”.

Bucket man has high hopes of reaching Malaga in a couple of day’s time, fuelled by his scientific diet of doughnuts, cycling gloves and coke, if you don’t believe me, check out the photo.  He hopes to meet up with Mick, possibly for some golf, but we suspect he just wants to keep on, and on, and on  about his mega ride in order to feel superior.

While chatting tonight we established that Martin will reach the straits of Gibraltar just as his Dad sails past on his cruise liner, en route for 28 days on his Black Sea Rhapsody cruise which somehow prompted Bucket man to recall that he was desperate to book into a hotel which provided free sewing kits, one pair of his beloved Assos shorts (mankinis to us) needs some attention, he is fretting as he is down to just two whole pairs.  Wonder if the damaged pair is the temporary brake system he was using a few days ago.   The upshot of the need for sewing kit has meant that rather than a chalet on an industrial park (yesterday’s gaff) he is booked into swanky hotel tonight, seems a bit extreme for the want of a needle and cotton to us.

Early evening pit stop. Necessary since being banned from McDs!

He still needs Spanish speakers, so if you can help, please do.

Sunday SOS – “Ayuda, los altavoces españoles necesitaron urgente” - Sunday 2 October 2011

At last, we can put a call out to any of you who are following this never ending story who are Spanish speakers/translators. The little man is getting into a pickle each day trying to book accommodation, Jill is doing her best but as he travels through the heart of Spain the hotels are a) not bookable using the internet and b) are not English speaking, even loud, shouty English is not understood. So, if you, or your friends and colleagues are able to help, there is a weary cyclist who would appreciate a text or call about 4pm each day when he knows where he will finish up, you can get him on 07768 330402.

Apart from the language problems, Martin is doing pretty well; he managed 110 miles today and has finished in Tavancon. He had a late start, at his hotel last night they promised him that reception would open 8.00am, but despite him hanging around from that time nobody appeared so he decided to have some breakfast and ended up leaving at 9.00am.  We misled you yesterday by saying that there were relatives keen to meet up with him – there isn’t - so he has soldiered on bravely.

He has spent the day cycling past lakes, and keeping his head down as the roads he is using are being utilised by hairy arsed motor bikers haring up and down. Despite the late start he finished by 6pm and is staying a “wooden chalet”.  He struggled to find said chalet, so somehow managed to get the Civil Guardia involved, with one of them going off on his moped to track down the accommodation. Although he has found himself enjoying “cerveza y tapas” over the last few days, he is looking forward to a Chinese feast tonight in one of those piggy places where you keep eating till you drop off your chair or you burst - whichever happens first.  His carbohydrate loading diet is variable; today he had a bowl of crisps and a Mars bar for lunch, probably not the optimum diet.

Despite all this he is now south east of Madrid, and has just 350 miles to go to reach Gibraltar, the last leg to get to Africa.  We have told him to finish by Thursday; the trusty reporting team are off again on Friday and cannot face another extended period trying to keep up with his doings while on the road.  Till tomorrow, and as they say in Spanish “Vaya, va, va”.

Happiness is Madrid in rear view mirror - Sunday 2 October 2011

Now on hands and knees with sore bottom, not sure whether due to Assos bib shorts or nobber!

Señorita with a nobber (photo courtesey of Amazon Healthcare products).

According to Amazon, this simple, meticulously designed, deep-muscled massage tool provides a way for people to manage chronic muscular pain both on their own and in conjunction with professional medical treatment and therapy. Made of a highly durable, polymer composite, molded in the shape of an `S`, the Backnobber II devise is designed to be hooked over the shoulder or under the arm so that one of the two ends can be pressed into any of the muscles of the upper or lower back or neck. The Backnobber II`s natural shape and dimensions allow the user to apply as much pain-releasing pressure for as long as required to achieve its remarkable effects.

Assos Bib Shorts (not to be confused with a mankini)